Ep. 351: Letting Go and Letting God: The Long Walk from Pleasing Others to Purpose with Guest Art Blanchford

This month we’re talking about self-care boundaries, and today I want to talk about something that might feel a little uncomfortable to hear… but is incredibly important if you want your life to actually change.

And that is this:

👉 Sometimes what you’re calling self-care… isn’t self-care at all.

Sometimes it’s self-abandonment.

I was recently working with someone who had a really clear goal.

Something she had wanted for decades.

She wanted to live abroad.

And she kept saying to me:

“I’m doing all of this for me.”
“I’ve wanted this since I was a teenager.”
“Everything I’m doing is to make that happen.”

And I want to be really clear about something before I go any further.

👉 She wasn’t wrong for wanting that.

There is nothing wrong with wanting something for yourself.
There is nothing wrong with having a dream.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to create a life that feels meaningful and expansive.

That’s not the problem.

The problem was how she was living in the process of trying to get there.

Because her day-to-day life looked like this:

• not sleeping 
• not eating regularly 
• constantly in urgency and crisis 
• managing everything and everyone 
• putting out fires all day long 

There was no space for her.

None.

And this is where I want you to really listen carefull.

👉 A future goal doesn’t count as self-care if it’s built on present-day self-abandonment.

I’m going to repeat that so you hear me clearly

👉 A future goal doesn’t count as self-care if it’s built on present-day self-abandonment.

this is where people get tripped up.

You think:

“Well, I’m doing this for me.”
“Well, this is going to make my life better later.”
“Well, this is what I’ve always wanted.”

And again, that part may be true.

But here’s the question that matters:

👉 What is it costing you right now?

what I saw with her… and what I see with a lot of people…

Is this:

👉 You’re organizing your life around a future version of you…
while abandoning the current version of you.

You’re taking care of “future you”
and completely neglecting “present-day you.”

And that’s not sustainable. You could literally kill yourself now in pursuit of some future that may never come to pass

so I want to expand your understanding of self-abandonment here.

Because most people think self-abandonment is:

• saying yes when you want to say no 
• staying in relationships that don’t work 
• letting people walk all over you 

And yes, that’s part of it.

But it also looks like this:

• postponing your needs indefinitely 
• living in constant urgency 
• never pausing 
• ignoring your body 
• telling yourself “I’ll rest later” 
• “I’ll take care of myself once I get there” 

Here’s the illusion:

👉 “Once I get there, then I’ll be okay.”

But if you’re not okay now…
if you don’t know how to include yourself now…
if you don’t know how to create internal safety now…

👉 you will bring that same pattern with you.

Wherever you go.

This is where internal boundaries come in.

Because internal boundaries are not about what you do once everything is calm and perfect.

👉 They are about what you do when things are messy.

They are about whether you can stay with yourself
when there is urgency, pressure, and discomfort.

So I said to her something like this:

“I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to live abroad.

But I do think something is off in how you’re trying to get there.

Because the way you’re living right now isn’t actually taking care of you.”

And I’m going to say something to you that might land the same way for you as it did for her.

👉 Wanting something for yourself doesn’t automatically make everything you’re doing self-care.

Self-care is not just the goal you’re working toward.

👉 Self-care is the way you treat yourself in the process.

It’s:

• whether you sleep 
• whether you eat 
• whether you pause 
• whether you listen to your body 
• whether you consider your own needs in real time 
• whether you play, have fun, rest, relax and rejuvinate

So here’s the distinction I want you to walk away with:

👉 Not everything you do in the name of your future self is actually supportive of you.

And:

👉 The way you pursue your goals should include you, not cost you.

So I want to ask you a simple question.

And I want you to really sit with it.

👉 What are you doing today that actually supports you now…
not just the future version of you?

Not someday.

Not when things calm down.

👉 Today.

And if your answer is “not much” or “nothing,” that’s okay.

That’s just information.

So start here:

Once a day… just once…

Pause.

And ask yourself:

👉 “What do I need right now?”

You don’t have to fix your whole life.

You don’t have to change everything overnight.

You just have to begin including yourself.

Because you cannot build a life that feels good later…

👉 if you are not creating a life that includes you now.

Alright, that’s what I have for you today.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.

And as always…

Here’s to honoring yourself.