Kind Words from Amazing People

I'm over the moon just thinking about all the kind words people have said to and about me!

I created this page because so many of my clients share lots of details about their work with me and it feels wrong to keep it all to myself! However, I don't want to overwhelm readers with their full testimonials unless they actually WANT to read them. So here you go!

yay barb

Kind Words from AMAZING People!

When I started working with Barb I was in a state of transition in my life. I was grieving my husband who, although still alive, was in long-term care and unable to function physically and mentally. I had made the decision to start living my life for me. But  the prospect was daunting. It meant setting boundaries on everything from my finances to my time after years of putting my husband and my extended family first. Barb helped me to value and respect myself and to make that my center. I intellectually knew a lot about boundaries after more than a decade in Al Anon. The difference in working with Barb was her help in applying the principles to my present life and situation, her fresh way of explaining and conceptualizing those principles, and talking them through weekly with her. I had already become hooked on her podcasts. Working with her for three months put me on firm ground to start living a life of valuing and understanding myself. I can’t thank her enough!
~ Louise B.

I discovered Barb's Boundary Coaching program following a particular event in my life and a subsequent decision that it was time to take the focus off of other people and start figuring out who I was and what I wanted.  I was an admitted people pleaser, constantly worried about what other people thought of me.  I didn't understand there was a difference between being "nice" and being "kind" and thought I could control other's opinions of me by being nice.  If I felt they approved of me, then I liked myself, but if I thought they felt some other way, then I turned myself inside out trying to change that narrative. (which actually only existed inside my head).

I had a huge fear of being abandoned and would do almost anything not to feel that way.  Because I was consumed with the pressure of what other people thought of me, I didn't have clear boundaries in many parts of my life.  I was afraid to ask for what I wanted and afraid to tell people what was ok with me and what wasn't.  I said "yes'' too often when I want to say "no".  I was afraid of hurting other people's feelings- and I was filled with resentment and anger.  I was tired of turning myself inside out to be liked and loved and I wanted to repair the giant hole in my heart.

I have discovered that much of my people pleasing came from lessons I learned growing up in a alcoholic and dysfunctional home. As I started working through some of those issues, Barb helped see how I could shift the focus away from what others thought of me to what I thought of myself. I began to understand the masks I've worn in an attempt to control other's impressions of me.

I started taking risks and asking for what I wanted. I started saying no to things I didn't want to do without having a flood of shame wash over me. I learned to pause when I was triggered by an event and to give myself time to process how my past was contributing to that.  In doing so, I've discovered I can respond in a different way.  I can choose to be an actor vs a reactor in any situation.

I got the courage to separate from my alcoholic husband after 23 years of being together and 8 years of marriage. I started coming out of denial about my childhood and the role that trauma played in my relationships as an adult

Now that the program is over, here's where she's at now...

I have been living on my own for almost 3 months.  This is the first time I have ever lived on my own (I'm 62). I have found a renewed spirituality and relationship to God. I've experienced more peace than I've felt in many years.

Separating from my husband has been very tough and I've had many sad days, but I'm learning to let the feelings come and go, and in doing so spend less time in the mental swirl around the story.

I keep practicing the foundational lessons I learned working with Barb and I remember that "anything worth doing is worth doing poorly at first" and that "I won't get better at something by not doing it".  So everyday I strive to do my best.

Here's who she thinks would benefit from boundaries coaching with Barb:

Anyone who:

  • Is  a chronic people pleaser
  • Struggles to know who they are and what they want and like
  • Feels anger and resentment toward other people

Her final comments...

Barb is an amazing coach and all around human being.  She finds that perfect balance between gently pushing you beyond your discomfort and helping you feel safe in the space she provides.  She leads by example and coaches through the lens of her own experiences and deep knowledge. I can't say enough about her program.

Thank you Barb- I will always be grateful that I found you!

~ Cathy R.

Before working with Barb I had relationships in all areas of my life that did not serve my highest good and that compromised my authenticity. With Barb I have learned how to set boundaries with effective communication that brings so much more peace and happiness to my life.
It’s a daily struggle, but Barb offers so many tools and materials and wisdom. I now understand that not only am I allowed to say and 'no' and what works for me, but that it’s a requirement for a happy life.   She’s such a kind and amazing person and has access to so much knowledge.
~ Denise D.

I came into coaching with Barb burnt out and ready for change . I was trying so hard at work, family and my marriage but feeling sad and angry much of the time . After working through the 12 steps in my recovery program, I saw that I needed to be honest with myself and others , and ask for what I need rather than replaying old patterns of manipulation and people pleasing. I needed help on how to do that.

I heard Barb on a podcast, looked up her podcast and website , and decided to work with her to learn how to build better boundaries, and stop people pleasing and manipulating.

I feel like my Higher Power put Barb in my life at the right time . I learned that by getting clear on my values, and finding and prioritizing my integrity in those values , my boundaries became more clear and my ability to set them became easier. Barb taught me concrete strategies to say my boundaries and follow through on them. She helped me understand they are FOR me , not AGAINST anyone. I’m learning how my boundaries are the map I can share with others to build intimacy in my relationships, rather than being quiet and growing resentment in my old ways of interaction. I’m learning to grow intimacy rather than resentment.

After coaching, I’m growing and experiencing closer relationships with friends and family , and letting go of old patterns that were harmful to me and others . I feel a new freedom.

If someone is looking for more peace, and deep connection in their relationships with others and themselves, working with Barb will give you necessary tools and strategies to help you get there.
I’m grateful for my coaching experience with Barb. She helped me change my life and my relationships in positive ways .
~ Carrie B.

Working with Barb has been one of the best gifts I could have given myself. She helped me understand my anxieties, helped me understand the value in setting boundaries for myself and others-and has been a true support when I needed it most.

Her work is thorough and concise, but more than that, she has an amazing understanding of recovery. I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for the work I did with this amazing inspiration of a person. ❤️

~ Karie W.

Where were you at before joining my boundaries coaching program?
I had completed 12 step recovery in CODA, had just moved to a new city, and was establishing my social network. I’m a recovering codependent, love addict and work addict, and I was also contemplating dating again, after a 3 year break to focus on me. I thought at the beginning of the program that I had recovery nailed and just needed a few tips to get ready to date again. Boy was I wrong! I learned so much more.

What wins did you experience in my boundaries coaching program?
So many wins! I learned about the Karpman/Drama Ttriangle, and my childhood pattern to fix others (i.e., meddle in their business and tick them off), and learned to identify if and when I repeated that pattern, and that it was actually enabling victim behavior.

I learned to set boundaries at work with my personal time and to stand up to others when I was treated badly. I learned to ask for what I want and need, kindly. I learned to stop sharing “too much information” with anyone that came along.

I learned what an enmeshed relationship feels like, and how that was the only type of relationship I had, and that healthy actually felt distant to me. I converted one of my relationships with my BFF from enmeshed to healthy.

I learned how to provide support to my own inner child and to take care of myself when I am triggered. I learned to stop shaming myself when I had a new insight about my past behavior – “info, not ammo” – insights are gifts, and if I don’t see the trouble with my behavior, I will not be able to change it. Finally, after considering deeply my values (which I thought I already knew), I am more confident in my future path and feel less worried about what is to come.

Where are you at after finishing my boundaries coaching program? (What’s going on in your life now?)
Well, I’ve tried dating sights, and I have learned not to take it personally when I’m not someone’s cup of tea. I’ve learned how to give myself love when I’m upset. I’m moving forward with my life as a single woman, living life on purpose, aligned with my values. I really have come to point where I care more about what I think of me than what others think of me. In the beginning I didn’t think that was possible. I’m happy, centered, present and looking forward to the future.

Who do you feel would get the most benefit out of joining this coaching program?
The best part of the program was the one-on-one coaching as I navigated my daily life. Barb’s materials are great, and I will refer to them absolutely, but Barb’s ability to point out gently and lovingly what I was doing to create chaos in my life - was invaluable. Barb is a gifted coach. I think anyone who wants to drive change in their life would benefit. Anyone who is interested in having equal and loving relationships in all aspects of their lives, and who is prepared to look deeply inside to figure out what patterns he or she may have that are getting in the way of that goal. Anyone
who is in transition who struggles with decisions. Anyone who feels unduly influenced by what other people think.

~ Carol L.

Where were you at before joining my boundaries coaching program? (What was going on in your life?)
I had just left my husband and moved in with my mom.  I had been in Al-Anon for 12 months prior to working with Barb.  I was hyper focused on others behavior that was outside of my control that was impacting my daily walk.  I was allowing other people values, opinions, behavior and attitude impact me on a deep level.

What wins did you experience in my boundaries coaching program?  I experienced many "wins" while working with Barb.  

1.)  Understanding what boundaries are and what they are not.

2.)  Understanding of what is mine to own and what is mine to release.

3.)  Understanding that boundaries protect me from others and myself when I may be crossing someone else's boundaries due to old behavior patterns.

4.)  I've learned the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and how I may have equated love with behavior that I was taught that is actually unhealthy.

Where are you at after finishing my boundaries coaching program? (What’s going on in your life now?)

I learned what my values are so that I have a starting place with boundaries.  I learned where I have power and what is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.  I learned what boundaries I need to keep me safe and which ones are to keep others safe from me.

Who do you feel would get the most benefit out of joining this coaching program?

I believe that if you are a person that looks to others to "make them happy" or someone that believes that "in only so and so would do...." or you continue to find yourself in relationships that are damaging you would benefit from working with Barb.

Anything else you want to share?

It may be difficult to spend money on yourself in this way, however this investment is not something that you should even question.  If you have lived years in pain and sorrow and believing that others are the cause, don't you want a lasting solution to that vexing problem?

~ Chris L.

Before joining the coaching program Better Boundaries with Barb, I had done some reading on and had some practice setting boundaries but I was still full of self doubt and second guessing many of my “boundaries of self-protection”.

This program helped me to “take off the masks” I was wearing and get really honest about what my values, resources, strengths, and needs are today. Further, I learned how to use my specific highest values as a guide for decision making that enables me to live with integrity. Knowing how to do that has eliminated much of the self-doubt and second guessing I was experiencing.

Anyone ready to get clear on who they truly are today and how to live into that truth would benefit from working through this program guided by Barb’s wisdom and expertise on boundaries.

Again, I am so thankful for your help and will (and have already) recommend your program to others I think would benefit from working with you.

~ Diana L.

I cannot thank you enough for all you did to help me begin to create "better boundaries"! Working with you was a true pleasure and an honor. Your efforts, creativity, and skill in creating a thorough, comprehensive, and accessible program are to be applauded!

Clearly, you put your heart and soul into it, and that is what makes the difference. You are truly an inspiration, Barb. You embody and exemplify what is possible when an individual comes from a place of integrity, commitment, and love. Thank you doesn't seem like enough to say for the extraordinary difference you made in my life. I remain forever grateful and appreciative of the time we spent together.

Here's what changed:

  • I am getting better at managing my time.
  • I no longer feel bad or guilty about saying "no".
  • I no longer feel like I am responsible for anyone's happiness, misery, or any other emotion or condition. We are all 100% responsible for our own emotions and conditions because they stem from our own perspectives. I cannot be responsible for anyone else's perspective but my own.
    I use the expression you coined - info versus ammo - which helps me remember not to be self-recriminating because I made a mistake or had an unpleasant experience, or feel hurt, anger, frustration or pain. Instead, I notice the feeling and the situation and use it as information for improvement.
  • I use the phrase "keep the focus on yourself" to remind myself to not give unsolicited advice and be mindful of my audience, and not to give credence to other people's negative input or opinions.
  • I learned to see where I was enmeshed and realized the need to pull back and establish boundaries and not feel responsible if I attended to my needs instead of theirs.
  • Although I was aware of many of my limiting beliefs I didn't know how to change them. The workbook, podcasts, and articles all contributed to helping me shift those beliefs and recognize how they were holding me back and that by taking care of myself (saying no, keeping the focus

~ Alisa P.

Where were you at before joining my boundaries coaching program? (What was going on in your life?)

I reached out to Barb at a point of great emotional distress. I believe grief was at the core of my anguish and my established coping strategy, established as a child in a dysfunctional family, was failing me.  In the two years prior I’d experienced the illness and death of my father, mother-in-law and brother-in-law, I had separated from a company that I had built after 24 years and made the difficult decision to go “no contact” with several family members. My abandonment wound was inflamed.

I was relentlessly and desperately trying to keep the remaining precious people in my life from abandoning me.  My most cherished relationship, that which I have with my 25-year-old son, was dramatically changing.  We’d gone from a healthy relationship to one where my fear of losing his love was at the center of every interaction.  In retrospect, I see now that I was figuratively and literally chasing him and begging him to tell me he loves me and that he will never leave me.  Fear was driving me to place my focus, my wellbeing, my worthiness in the hands of everyone else.

I had realized I did this as a child with my family, but this “defect” was less apparent in my relationships as an adult until now.  The pain and my dysfunctional response to my deep grief was severe enough for me to seek help.  I am a resourceful problem solver and cast a broad net that included an online mother-wound course, one-on-one therapy, group therapy, attending a weekly 12 step program and various podcasts on healing the inner child and childhood trauma. I was listening to an adult-child podcast and Barb was the guest being interviewed.  I connected with everything she said.  I listened to several of Barb’s Fragment to Whole podcasts and scheduled a complementary session.  After speaking with Barb, I was confident she would be able to help me.

What wins did you experience in my boundaries coaching program? 

In working with Barb and following her curriculum I came to understand that keeping the focus on myself and always acting in a way that is aligned with my values will be the only way to have true intimacy with the people I love.   When the ability to have connection and closeness fails, I will remind myself that how someone else receives me is none of my business and how I chose to feel is only up to me.  I will remember that I cannot “pick up milk at the hardware store”.

Where are you at after finishing my boundaries coaching program? (What’s going on in your life now?)

I now have clear and simple tools that I can use to navigate my life and my relationships.  I hope that my life is full, and I will have opportunities to apply these same tools to new challenges.

Anything else you want to share?

Life has always shown me what deserves my attention and when I need to make a change.  My discomfort was a signal for change.  I feel very fortunate that my higher power led me to Barb Nangle.  Her support was essential for me to understand what I was doing and why it was not working. She explained what I needed to understand to make meaningful change.   Only with her guidance have I been able to begin establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in my life.   The change has been very promising, and I am filled with renewed hope.

~ Jeanette M.

Without the ability to set and maintain the boundaries I needed, I couldn’t operate in the world without tending to others first, whether or not they asked for or wanted my help. Being so unapologetically other-focused, my only tool for relief was to cut people off and isolate when I hit a wall. Yet having squashed my needs and feelings for so long, I could no longer find any peace in isolation either.

Listening to Barb’s podcasts, I decided to take a chance with her, and it changed my life. As I moved through her 1:1 coaching program, I gained an understanding of why, where, and how to set boundaries, and got started right away. I trusted Barb’s immense scholarship, and quickly felt all the warmth and growth that is possible for a person when a lifelong shame finally thaws. Self-compassion is real for me now, for the first time EVER. No exaggeration. Boundaries are everything, and Barb is the master.

~ Jean L.

It was a hot summer day when I found Barb, and I was feeling very disappointed with myself for how easily gossip was coming out of my mouth. Blaming others, judging others, and talking about things that weren’t my business felt so much easier than holding back, and keeping the focus on myself.

In a fit of frustration, I put on my roller blades, typed “gossip” into the podcast search bar on my phone, put in my headphones, and took off into the beating afternoon heat. Luckily for me, what result came from typing that evil little word into the search bar was Barb Nangle’s voice through my headphones- the way she spoke, the content of her lesson, and the way I felt when the 18 minute podcast episode (Stop Gossiping, ep. 12) ended was truly groundbreaking for me.

Within a month, I had listened to almost every podcast Barb had out- it felt like they were made for me. Within two months, I was signed up for Barb’s 12 Week Better Boundaries private sessions. Within four weeks with Barb, I had experienced more growth than I had experienced in 4 years with my private therapist.

The person I have become with the help of Barb’s guidance is a person that I, for once in my life, truly love. The person I spent years hoping, wishing, and wanting to become is now living in MY body.

The best part? This same person, the one who couldn’t mind her own business, who was easily perturbed by the behaviors of others, and who felt cloudy and unsure on what she felt/needed/wanted in her life just needed to learn how to create boundaries FOR HERSELF.

I had spent so much of my life blaming others- thinking that if THEY would just change, I would be okay. In the end, with Barb’s help, I’ve learned to take responsibility for my contribution to the chaos in my life, to fix what I have the power to fix, and to let my Higher Power handle the rest.

Oh, and this is coming from a girl who a year ago would have told you she isn’t spiritual and doesn’t know what to think about God. Barb will tell it to you straight, will hold space for you when it all feels too heavy, and will help guide you towards being a person that you can be very, very proud of. Barb has changed my life, and I am forever grateful.

~ Claire F.

Where were you at before joining my boundaries coaching program? (What was going on
in your life?)

I needed to set boundaries with an ex and my parents. This was unconscious at the time, but I knew that I couldn’t do it alone and that I needed support. So I sought out Barb. I had been listening to her podcast for a few months and she was so insightful, compelling, and legit—I knew intuitively she would be great to work with.

What wins did you experience in my boundaries coaching program?

I started to see that lessons about boundaries permeate every aspect of life. I went into the program seeking support for personal relationship boundaries, but ended up learning a ton about how to have better boundaries at work.

Where are you at after finishing my boundaries coaching program? (What’s going on in your life now?)

I’ve managed to maintain the boundaries I set with the ex and my parents. Although this has steered me into uncharted life territory (which is weird and terrifying at times), I’ve never felt freer and I’ve never had such clarity about where I begin and end in relationships. I feel as if I’m starting fresh in life.

Who do you feel would get the most benefit out of joining this coaching program?

If you need to set any kind of boundary in your life, if you want to learn more about how you’re showing up in relationships, and if you want to feel freed up inside your own life, then you should absolutely work with Barb.

Anything else you want to share?

Working with Barb will change your life. You'll start to see yourself more clearly and you'll have more agency. Her knowledge, insights, and approach are powerful and effective.

~ Emilie 

Where were you at before joining my boundaries coaching program? (What was going on in your life?) 

I reached my “codependency bottom” after chasing someone I had a crush on who was emotionally unavailable. I was motivated to sign up for coaching because I’d been aware of my codependency for several years, yet realized I’d made little to no progress in actually addressing the patterns that were perpetuating dysfunction in my life. I knew I wanted to work on boundaries, but didn’t know where to begin. I was also very worried about my ability to set limits and boundaries in a personal, non-social context—not only because I thought I needed social accountability to make changes, but I also feared feeling further alienated in a relationship to self that had been strained for a long time. 

 

What wins did you experience in my boundaries coaching program? 

While I initially worried that I wasn’t “ripe for change” (as Barb describes her ideal client), I quickly found that a willingness to dig deep on the issues I was facing was the only prerequisite for making important progress.  

Perhaps the most profound shift stemmed from learning that I can set boundaries from a place of loving kindness. It was hardest for me to set boundaries with people I feared losing (including myself, with a fear of feeling cut off from my inner child). Working with Barb taught me that setting boundaries isn’t giving someone the cold shoulder or being emotionally detached, but can in fact be a very loving practice. I figured out that setting boundaries that prioritize my own nervous system regulation is essentially adopting my inner child and looking out for her. It turns out that these boundaries were a key missing piece in my personal healing journey and capacity for reparenting. 

 

Where are you at after finishing my boundaries coaching program? (What’s going on in your life now?) 

Today, having finished the coaching program I’m in awe of how much more love, care, and compassion I’m capable of feeling towards myself. I had no idea that boundaries work would enhance my capacity for all of that, and it’s a truly wonderful surprise. Having my own boundaries system has made it possible to feel more at home within myself, and opens up a world of opportunities that I finally feel ready to take advantage of. After years of feeling broken and small, my world is beginning to feel expansive and abundant.  

 

Who do you feel would get the most benefit out of joining this coaching program? 

I know that I wouldn’t have been able to glean so much from the program had I not already been pretty far along in my own personal healing work. Boundaries coaching was a wonderful complement to working with a therapist and my addiction recovery program, and built on a foundation of reading and research about dysfunctional family dynamics that helped me understand myself. I would say that someone who already has a fairly good handle on their mental/emotional health and is ready for targeted work on codependency is best positioned to benefit from coaching with Barb. 

 

Anything else you want to share? 

I so appreciate the work that Barb is doing—this particular niche is so important for adult children of family dysfunction. It’s wonderful that she’s able to leverage her lived experiences and lessons from recovery into a program that can be truly life-changing for those that are ready to do the work. 

~ Lauren