How to Stop Living in Constant Urgency and Finally Relax

Issue 127. August 1, 2025 ✨ Higher Power Coaching & Consulting ✨

I didn’t know I’d been living in a state of urgency my entire life.

That might sound strange, but until I got into recovery, I had no idea that urgency was even “a thing.” I was so used to the pressure, the rushing, the internal drive to move faster, I thought it was just how life was.

Then one day, I heard someone on a podcast say that they’d lived with a constant sense of urgency before they got into recovery. And something clicked.

It was like they had reached into my chest, named my whole nervous system, and gently handed it back to me.

Looking back now, I don’t know if I was already beginning to feel moments of stillness when I heard that… or if I was still fully consumed by the 24/7 stress machine of my own mind. Either way, I finally recognized myself.

And if you’re someone who’s never even questioned your sense of urgency, I want to gently suggest: maybe you don’t have to live like that.

What Living with Constant Urgency Looked Like

For me, urgency wasn’t a feeling. It was a way of being.

• I rushed everything.
• I rushed myself.
• I rushed other people.
• I rushed to get places, to respond, to fix, to achieve, to earn approval.
• I couldn’t let things slide. I had to handle them right now.

I sped down the highway, angry at the people who dared to drive in front of me. (As if the road was built just for me and they were in my way.)

I didn’t see it then, but I do now: living in a constant state of urgency was a symptom of my victim mentality.

Yes, I was a responsible person. Yes, I appeared to have agency. But underneath, I was deeply reactive. Life felt like it was happening to me. I wasn’t responding, I was flinching at life. And flinching makes everything feel like an emergency.

The Paradigm Shift That Changed Everything

Discovering that I was operating from a victim mentality was one of the biggest spiritual awakenings of my recovery. (If you haven’t yet listened to episode #3 of my podcast, I talk about this in depth there.)

And recognizing urgency as part of that dynamic helped me start breaking the cycle.

I realized:

• My dad wasn’t doing things to me. He was just doing things, and I happened to be in the blast radius.
• My anxiety wasn’t just “who I was.” It was a symptom of deeper beliefs about being unsafe, unsupported, and alone.
• My rush to earn approval was actually a response to feeling unworthy underneath it all.

The #1 Tool That Helped Me Heal My Urgency

Pausing.

Learning that I could pause was revolutionary. At first, it felt impossible. Then, it felt unnatural. Now? It’s second nature. (Shoutout to episode #8 if you want to hear more about this in detail.)

Pausing allowed me to insert space where there used to be panic.

But it wasn’t just pausing that helped me shed the skin of urgency—it was a whole set of inner shifts that made slowing down possible.

Here’s What Helped Me Find Peace

Learning to pause — Even just a few seconds of breathing helped me realize I had a choice.

Reaching out for help — Knowing I didn’t have to do it all alone took enormous pressure off.

Letting go of others’ opinions — My worth no longer depended on how fast I responded, or how well I performed.

Surrendering to a Higher Power — I learned to stop gripping so tightly. I handed things over and let go of attachment to outcomes.

Shifting from “it’s happening TO me” to “it’s just happening” — This one’s big. Life events stopped feeling so personal and punishing.

All of these pieces worked together to give me what might be the greatest gift of my recovery:

I get to fucking relax in my life now.

I’m not in constant tension. I don’t live in reaction. And when urgency creeps back in (because it does), I know it’s a red flag. A signal that something’s off.

When I feel that familiar pressure creeping in, I don’t shame myself. I pause. I get curious. I reach out. I reset.

If You’re Living in Urgency, Please Hear This

It doesn’t have to stay this way.

You can learn to slow down. You can hand things over. You can build a life where your peace isn’t on the chopping block 24/7.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reactive, and constantly behind… this is your invitation to pause.

To imagine a life where you don’t have to earn your worth through speed or performance.

Where you don’t rush yourself anymore.

Healing is possible. It’s never too late. And no one is beyond hope—including you.

Ready to stop rushing and start reclaiming your peace?
My on-demand course Shameless Boundaries: Say Yes to You, No to Others teaches you how to let go of guilt, stop performing for approval, and finally feel at home in your own life.