A huge part of my recovery has been coming out of denial and part of my denial journey is coming to realize that I am what’s called an Adult Child and then, once I realized that – that more traits of an adult child apply to me than I once believed. This week’s episode 193 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 1 of how to know if you’re an adult child- The Laundry List!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m reading what is affectionately called The Laundry List- the 14 traits of an adult child and sharing my experience of coming to realize how these traits apply to me- whether they were obvious to me at first or not.
The 14 traits on The Laundry List include:
- We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
- We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
- We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
- We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
- We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
- We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
- We get guilty feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
- We became addicted to excitement.
- We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
- We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
- We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
- We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
- Alcoholism is a family disease, and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
- Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
These are the survival traits we adapted to represent our “false self” and protect ourselves as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family. If these don’t resonate with you, stay tuned for part 2 where I cover The Other Laundry List.
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
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LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
“6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb” online course BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com
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