The Next Right Step: How to Hold the Line with Yourself

Issue 136. October 3, 2025 ✨ Higher Power Coaching & Consulting ✨

One Day at a Time: Boundaries in the Present Moment

“One day at a time” is one of those phrases that sounds simple—almost too simple. I knew the words. I even knew them strung together. But I didn’t understand them until I got into recovery.

Like so many 12-step slogans, this one is less about concept and more about experience. And once I grasped it, it became the foundation not just for my substance recovery but for my people recovery—for my personal boundaries.

Why This Matters for Boundaries

When we don’t live one day at a time, we slide into what I call “living into the wreckage of the future.” That’s when we mentally rehearse all the disasters we’re sure will happen:

• She’s going to be angry when I say no.
• He’ll reject me if I set this limit.
• They’ll think I’m selfish if I take time for myself.

None of those conversations have ever actually unfolded the way I imagined. But my body didn’t know the difference—because my nervous system was on high alert.

I didn’t realize how many of my thoughts and behaviors were jacking up my nervous system, keeping me in fight-or-flight mode. And when you’re in fight-or-flight, you’re not in a state where you can make clear, reasoned decisions. You’re just trying to survive. No wonder I couldn’t hold my boundaries.

The Shift That Changed Everything

Instead of bracing for a future wreckage that may never come, I now ask myself: What’s the next right thing for me, right here, right now?

• If I’m drafting a podcast episode, the next right thing is finishing the one in front of me—not worrying about what I’ll record next week.
• If someone asks me for help, the next right thing is to check in with myself first—not automatically saying yes out of fear.
• If I feel the urge to cave in or numb out, the next right thing is to remind myself: I don’t have to figure out forever. I just have to get through today.

This way of living is itself a boundary: a boundary with my runaway thoughts, a boundary with the old stories that told me I had to anticipate disaster, and a boundary with the nervous-system chaos that kept me locked in people-pleasing.

A Boundary You Can Set Today

Here’s a practice you can try:

When your mind leaps into fear about how someone might react or how a situation could implode, pause and ask—
👉 What’s the next right thing for me, today?

Then do only that.

This is how we regulate our nervous system, stay in integrity with ourselves, and stop leaking our lives into imagined futures.

My Invitation to You

If you’ve been “living into the wreckage of the future” and abandoning yourself in the process, I invite you to practice one day at a time. You don’t have to set perfect boundaries for the rest of your life. You just have to take the next right step for yourself today.

And while you’re at it—ask yourself: What could go right?