Just Because They’re Family Doesn’t Mean You Have to Sacrifice Yourself.
Whether it’s guilt, obligation, or fear of rocking the boat, setting boundaries with family can feel impossible. But your peace matters too.
You’re not unloving or selfish for wanting healthy limits with loved ones.
You’re simply ready to love better—by honoring your needs, energy, and emotional space.
If that feels like the kind of love you want in your family, you’re in the right place.
“I’ve stopped micromanaging my daughter’s life and realized she’s perfectly capable of managing her own affairs. We’re no longer enmeshed.” ~ Sarah G.
Why Family Boundaries Feel So Hard
It’s Not Just a Relationship—It’s a Lifetime of Patterns
Family dynamics are layered. Maybe you’ve always been the peacekeeper, the caretaker, or the one who "never makes waves." Maybe you're afraid that setting boundaries means being cut off, rejected, or called selfish. But the truth is, when you stop managing everyone else’s emotions and start showing up for yourself, you make space for real healing—whether or not your family comes with you.
🏠 Stop guilt-driven decisions
🏠 Detangle from enmeshment and over-responsibility
🏠 Say no to manipulation and passive-aggression
🏠 Parent your adult children without losing yourself
🏠 Break generational cycles and reclaim your peace
Let’s ground ourselves in
what healthy families look like…
There are two purposes served by families:
1). promoting good mental health of the adult partners
2). produce autonomous children
The Five Freedoms
1. The freedom to see and hear (perceive) what is here and now, rather than what will be or should be.
2. The freedom to think what one thinks, rather than what one should think.
3. The freedom to feel what one feels, rather than what one should feel.
4. The freedom to want (desire) and to choose what one wants, rather than what one should want.
5. And the freedom to imagine one's own self-actualization, rather than playing a rigid role or always playing it safe.
Functional Family Rules
1. Problems are acknowledged and resolved.
2. The five freedoms (above) are promoted. All members can express their perceptions, feelings, thoughts, desires and fantasies.
3. All relationships are dialogical (pertain to dialogue) and equal. Each person is of equal value as a person.
4. Communication is direct, congruent, and sensory based (i.e., concrete, specific and behavioral).
5. Family members can get their needs met.
6. Family members can be different.
7. Parents do what they say. They are self-disciplined disciplinarians.
8. Family roles are chosen and flexible.
9. Atmosphere is fun and spontaneous.
10. The rules require accountability.
11. Violation of others' values leads to guilt.
12. Mistakes are forgiven and viewed as learning tools.
13. The family system exists for the individuals.
14. Parents are in touch with their healthy shame.
Fair Fighting Rules
1. Being assertive (self-valuing) rather than aggressive (get the other person, no matter what the cost).
2. Staying in the now. Avoiding score-keeping. "You are late for dinner. I wanted everything to be warm and tasty" rather than "You are late as usual. I remember two years ago when on our vacation when you…."
3. Avoid lecturing and stay with concrete, specific behavioral detail.
4. Avoid judgment. Stay with self-responsible "I" messages.
5. Honesty needs to be rigorous. Go for accuracy rather than agreement or perfection.
6. Don't argue about details. For example, "You were 20 minutes late." "No, I was only 13 minutes late."
7. Don't assign blame
8. Use active listening. Repeat to the other person what you heard them say. Get their agreement about what you heard them say before responding.
9. Fight about one thing at a time.
10. Unless you are being abused, hang in there. This is especially important. Go for a solution, rather than being right
SHAMELESS BOUNDARIES
Say Yes to You, No to Others
When guilt, obligation, or over-functioning define your role in the family, it’s time to draw new lines—without shame.
This self-paced course will guide you to stop rescuing, stop disappearing, and start protecting your emotional well-being.
You can love your family without losing yourself.
Navigate family dynamics with confidence. Get monthly coaching and peer insights in the Guilt‑Free Guild so you can stay loving without over‑functioning.
Guilt Free Guild
A twice-monthly coaching group for women focusing on boundaries in relationships, personally and professionally
Curated Bundles
What Are These Bundles?
Each bundle is a curated collection of my best boundary-building resources—pulled directly from my coaching practice, podcast, newsletters, and handouts. They’re designed to help you dive deep into one specific area of your life where boundaries matter most.
Whether you're navigating work stress, complicated relationships, or emotional burnout, each bundle gives you practical tools, real-life insights, and powerful mindset shifts to help you stop over-giving and start standing strong in your truth.
For women new to boundary work and recovering from over-giving.
For women who feel guilt or fear about asserting themselves.
COMING SOON
For women discovering themselves after years of self-neglect.
COMING SOON
For women healing from emotional wounds or spiritual disconnection.
For women who lose themselves in relationships or fear abandonment.
COMING SOON
For women who dread family events or feel guilt during holidays.
For women who try to fix others' emotions and feel over-responsible.
COMING SOON
For women struggling with shame, perfectionism, or self-hate.
Free Support for Breaking Family Patterns
My top 5 podcast episodes for people who want family without all the guilt
Featured article on why setting boundaries upsets others
What people are saying
"After coaching, I’m growing and experiencing closer relationships with friends and family , and letting go of old patterns that were harmful to me and others . I feel a new freedom." ~ Carrie B.
"Boundaries coaching was a wonderful complement to working with a therapist and my addiction recovery program, and built on a foundation of reading and research about dysfunctional family dynamics that helped me understand myself...I so appreciate the work that Barb is doing—this particular niche is so important for adult children of family dysfunction. It’s wonderful that she’s able to leverage her lived experiences and lessons from recovery into a program that can be truly life-changing for those that are ready to do the work." ~ Lauren
"When I started working with Barb I was in a state of transition in my life... I had made the decision to start living my life for me. But the prospect was daunting. It meant setting boundaries on everything from my finances to my time after years of putting my husband and my extended family first. Barb helped me to value and respect myself and to make that my center. I intellectually knew a lot about boundaries after more than a decade in Al Anon. The difference in working with Barb was her help in applying the principles to my present life and situation, her fresh way of explaining and conceptualizing those principles, and talking them through weekly with her." ~ Louise