Recommended Resources
These resources have been extremely helpful to my personal development. I frequently recommend them on my podcast and to my clients. I put this list together to help you on your journey to live your life on purpose! At the top are general resources, below that are resources related to 12-step recovery.
General Recommendations
This is the MOST IMPORTANT book I've ever read! It didn't change my life - it changed my universe!! As a lifelong agnostic, I read this at age 37 and, over the course of one weekend, I became a believer. It answered every question I'd ever had about God and religion in ways that made sense and were satisfying to me. I've read every book in the series, some of them many times. Who knew that 15 years later there would be more spiritual awakenings to come through the 12 steps of recovery?!!
Outside of recovery literature, this is one of the top 3-5 books I've ever read. It's a novel and it has some really disturbing stuff in it, but that disturbing stuff paves the way to some of the most loving and moving content I've ever read. In this book, the author helped me to understand how God loves the perpetrators as much as the victims. I can't imagine more love than that! Prepare to be moved. Prepare to be stirred. Prepare to be angry and hurt. Prepare to be loved.
My brother Pat gave me this book, along with Hay's workbook and meditation companion books, in my early 30's. It's been foundational to my understanding of how life works. Hay teaches that certain types of issues and situations manifest as specific types of illnesses and injuries in the body. AND she teaches you how to deal with them. By the time I read this book, I'd already had two profound experiences that showed me that her theory is true.
One experience was regarding my father and my menstrual period. I learned that menstrual difficulties usually have to do with the family. When I read about that, I looked back at my menstrual calendar and realized that when I reconnected with my father, my periods resumed. Another experience had to do with my lower back going out - which is related to stability and money. That same weekend I went to Consumer Credit Counseling Services to deal with my debt. Having had these two experiences years before reading Hay's book, I knew she was telling the truth! To this day, I still say many of the affirmations I learned in this book.
The Power of TED - The Empowerment Dynamic* by David Emerald. This book provides the antidote to the “dreaded drama triangle” or DDT (also sometimes referred to as the Karpman Triangle). If you’re not familiar with the concept of the drama triangle, you’re probably familiar with the three roles that make up the DDT: victim, rescuer and persecutor. This dysfunctional pattern of interaction was first described by Karpman in the 1960’s and Emerald is the first to create an antidote. If you need help changing your patterns of interaction with others – this is the solution! I also do coaching on this topic.
One of the most difficult parts of boundary-setting (and life, really) is our feelings. Many of us were not taught about feelings, and may have even been guided to deny or push down our feelings. If you have no idea what your feelings are, or how to deal with them, this book is for you!
This just may be the best parenting book on the planet! I read it in my early 30's because I'm really interested in human development. Who knew it would pave the way for me to reparent myself years later? This is a go-to book for anyone who deals with children, wants to learn about child development or wants to reparent themselves.
The Dance of Anger* was the first book I read that taught me about "de-selfing." That is, I would "remove" myself from situations - at least in my head - as if my presence didn't matter. I'd negate myself in relationships and make it all about them. Lerner's book is really about boundaries, but she doesn't use the word often. Frequently, anger is a signal that we need to set or tighten a boundary. I also love the metaphor of "the dance" that she uses - when two people are dancing, and one of them changes their steps, their partner must change their steps or exit the dance. The dance can no longer continue the way it was. And so it goes with your anger - if you change how you manage your anger (e.g., expressing it explicitly) in your relationships, the relationship dynamics will change.
Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly our anger is no exception.
Ziva Meditation. This is the meditation technique I follow, and I meditate twice daily for 15 minutes. Emily Fletcher, the founder of Ziva, wants you to focus on being better at life, not being better at meditation! Sign up here for three free days of Ziva Meditation training.
You Need a Budget (YNAB). I cannot say enough good things about this program/app/company! I started using YNAB in May of 2019 and it has given me more freedom, relief and control over my finances than anything else. It made me come out of denial AND it gave me the tools to make sensible decisions about my money.
There's a sharp learning curve in the first month because you learn to think about money according to YNAB's four rules, but it's worth it! You can also try it free for 34 days, which is smart on their part because that allows you to "straddle" two months' expenses while using the software (which is web- based as well as an app). Click here to learn more or start your free trial.
HelpGuide.org is an independent nonprofit that runs one of the world’s leading mental health websites. Each month, millions of people from all around the world turn to us for trustworthy information they can use to improve their mental health and make healthy changes.
Dr. Becky at Good Inside. I've been following Dr. Becky on Instagram for some time and she's one of the best parenting experts I've ever seen! Here theory is that we're all good inside, and parents need to remind their kids of that (esp. when disciplining them). This has helped immensely with my reparenting journey because I've learned that I didn't get, and how to give it to myself.
Dr. Becky says she took everything she knows about attachment, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and internal family systems theory, and translated those ideas into a new method for working with parents.
The Gottman Institute - a research-based approach to relationships. I've followed this account on Instagram for a long time and it's helped me see that I've learned a ton of healthy tools for relationships (which is why I'm finally in a healthy one for the first time!) and teaches me things I didn't know as well. They have info geared towards couples, singles, parents and professionals. It's some of the best stuff I've seen regarding relationships.
Recovery-Related Recommendations
“In Recovery” podcast with Dr. Nzinga Harrison, episode on “The Magic Formula” for addiction recovery. If you or someone you love is addicted to drugs or alcohol, this is a must-listen. It discusses best practices in addiction recovery from a variety of perspectives. Click here to listen to this episode on Spotify.
I was astonished to learn about the CRAFT method outlined in this book! After years in recovery, focused primarily on codependence, it was an eye-opener to learn there's a scientifically proven method for interacting with addicts in ways that drastically increase the chances of getting them into treatment.
Get Your Loved One Sober* is the first general consumer book ever on the powerful, award-winning, scientifically proven new system of intervention that is turning the recovery field on its head. Historically there have been few options available for individuals seeking help for treatment-resistant loved ones suffering from substance abuse. Co-author Dr. Robert Meyers spent ten years developing a treatment program that helps concerned significant others both improve the quality of their lives and learn how to make treatment an attractive option for their partners who are substance abusers. The CRAFT method in this book is the basis for the training provided by We the Village ( which is described below).
We the Village provides online support for the loved ones of those who are addicted. When someone you care about is struggling with addiction, We The Village is the online destination to find answers and help others by sharing what you’ve learned.
Answers at your fingertips | The power of shared knowledge | A private no-judgment zone
Faces and Voices of Recovery is dedicated to organizing and mobilizing the over 23 million Americans in recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs, our families, friends and allies into recovery community organizations and networks, to promote the right and resources to recover through advocacy, education and demonstrating the power and proof of long-term recovery. Click here to learn more.
A HUGE part of my personal development has been understanding what it means to be white in a world that tells me that race is something others "have" and I don't. The fact that this training is based on the 12 steps of recovery makes it even more appealing!
The Center for Practice Transformation and the University of Minnesota’s School of Social Work and Continuing Education Series is proud to co-host this Special Webinar Series.
Part I: Recovery from White Conditioning: Building Anti-Racist Practice and Community (click here to access this free webinar)
The Model of Recovery from White Conditioning, a derivative work based on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, is rooted in love and accountability. It involves white people, working in our community to transform violent legacies of whiteness into healthier, white, anti-racist community…and it requires us to have the courage to start with ourselves.
During this webinar, we will review the 12 steps of the Model of Recovery from White Conditioning, discuss implementation lessons learned to date, and explore implications for practice in various settings. We look forward to you joining us as we call forward white people to recover and reclaim our full humanity.
Welcome to International Recovery Day! (click here for more info)
Until now, recovery communities have been limited to uniting and celebrating recovery by holding local rallies, walks, and other events. Through the use of the Internet we can now bridge the geographical and time zone barriers, allowing us to join all folks in recovery from all addictions, including all recovery pathways – all around the globe – all on the same day. We invite you to join our International Recovery Day community worldwide by registering on this site today. We will then send you a token by email that will allow you to launch your own virtual firework this September 30th. Later on, we will send you a reminder to go online September 30th and watch for yourself as you launch your firework into the sky – to be joined by countless others in recovery launching their own fireworks from all around the globe.
Free Course on Coursera: Addiction Treatment - Clinical Skills for Healthcare Providers (click here for more info)
This course is intended to inform and educate medical professionals and is designed with a singular goal: to improve the care you provide to your patients with substance use disorders. By delving into a model case performed by actors, seven Yale instructors from various fields provide techniques to screen your patients for substance use disorder risk, diagnose patients to gauge the severity of their use, directly manage treatment plans, refer out to treatment services, and navigate the various conditions that may limit your patient’s access to treatment. You will ultimately be prepared to provide compassionate and evidence-based care to a large population of patients living with addiction— a chronic, often relapsing-remitting disease, but a treatable one.
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