Do you have shitty boundaries???

Then you need....

A Blueprint for Life

An 8-Week Structured Course for Women

You need boundaries to BE in YOUR life
(not everyone else’s)

WEDNESDAYS, OCT. 23 - DEC. 11, 2024
12:00-12:45 ET/9:00-9:45 a.m. PST

Opening Retreat: Sunday, Oct. 20, 2024 2:00-5:00 p.m. ET/ 11:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m. PT

With Boundaries by Design - A Blueprint for Your Life, it will be like having a manual for you, for your life. You’ll know where you end and others begin, what’s your responsibility and what’s not, what you like, want, need and prefer. You won’t go seeking outside yourself for validation and affirmation, you’ll get it from sticking to your Blueprint.

Say no with calm confidence, rooted in your authenticity
Say yes enthusiastically to things that light you up
Have balanced relationships with both give and take
Enjoy self care without feeling selfish
Be generous with your time and talents in a way that's sustainable
Be in healthy relationships

The Blueprint for Your Life will be personalized for you. I'll give you the framework, coaching and guidance, then you'll fill in what's right for you based on what matters to you most. See below for an example of what a Boundary Blueprint looks like.

Count me in!

This structured 8-week course is for you if…

You just can’t say ‘no’
You neglect yourself because you’re so focused on others
You look on the outside like you have your shit together, but inside you constantly feel like shit
You’ve had a string of unhealthy relationships
You’re over-giving, rescuing, fixing, saving and maybe even enabling another adult
You’re tired of reading and talking about boundaries and want to know how to define boundaries for yourself
You could use organized support, practical tools and guidance on how to set and uphold your boundaries
You like the experience and synergy of group work with others on the same growth journey a you
You appreciate the structure of working with a curriculum that builds your knowledge and skills step by step
You "live for" other people's opinion of you
You find yourself thinking of all the ways you could or should have said "yes"

This program is NOT for you if…

You prefer coaching on whatever's on your mind rather than a structured program
You're looking for an embodied, somatic experience rather than a mindset and behavioral approach
You’re put off or offended by people who swear (I’m not your coach if that’s you!)
You can’t handle a straightforward approach with direct feedback

I'm ready!

If you’re more of a visual person, this image of the Stages of Change might work better for you in deciding if this program is for you…

STAGES OF CHANGE FOR SOCIAL WORK

Prochaska & DiClementes

For those who identify as being in Contemplation, Preparation or Action Stages, Boundaries by Design is for you!

If you’re in one of the other stages, here’s what I recommend

Pre-Contemplation: You’re not ready for this work just yet. I recommend you start by listening to my podcast, especially the 35+ episodes on boundaries which you can get free from my Boundary-Building Starter Kit, and/or attending a 12-step recovery program such as ACA, Al-Anon or CoDA.
Maintenance: I recommend my 1:1 coaching or joining my twice-monthly coaching group for women, the Guilt Free Guild
Relapse: Before I make a recommendation, I want to say a few of things about relapse. First, it’s not bad (notice it’s part of the model), but it’s not inevitable. Second, what “boundaries relapse” can look like might be things like:
- Recreating the fear, self-hate and abandonment that we did before we built boundaries
- Reenacting childhood family roles like the hero
- Dependent behaviors
- Acting out destructively for several weeks
- Staying in an abusive relationship without a clear plan to get out
- Self-harming behaviors

If you’re in the Relapse Stage, I recommend you to do 1:1 coaching with me, and/or go to one of 12-step meetings as recommended above in the Pre-Contemplation Stage.

This is sooo me!

Why I Created This Group

For years, I struggled with saying no. Fear of rejection and negative self-talk ruled my life, despite believing I had high self-esteem. I pretended I liked things I didn't, but wasn't really sure what I liked because I was such a chameleon. Constantly giving to others made me resentful because my own needs went unmet (because I acted like I didn't have any!). I neglected myself because I was taught that being selfish was the worst thing in the world and that putting myself first was selfish.

Everything changed when I learned to build healthy boundaries. Now, I calmly say no with kindness and confidence, I'm in balanced relationships with both give and take and I prioritize self-love and self-care. And I'm finally experiencing a healthy, fulfilling romantic relationship!

This group is for women, particularly in their middle ages, who crave that same life-altering transformation. If that's you, you've come to the right place! Here, you'll learn to express your needs directly, build confidence in your voice, and cultivate the most important relationship of all - the one with yourself.

The boundaries course will enable you to be in your life, your feelings, your relationships and organizations and be situated within yourself. You'll still be generous with your time and talents, but in a way that's sustainable.

Curriculum Structure

- - - The Foundation: Altering Your Mindset
    - Developing Empowered Communication
    - Stepping Out from Behind Your Masks
    - Boundary Mastery: Consequences That Count
    - Clear Lines: How to Know What’s Yours and What’s Not
    - Nurture and Protect: Nurturing the Good, Guarding Against the Bad
    - Boundaries That Shield: Protect Your Peace and Minimize Your Triggers
    - Self-Containment Strategies to Guard Your Peace and End Chaos and Drama
    - Guarding Your Sacred Resources
    - Anchoring Boundaries in Your Values: Living on Purpose
    - The Power of Healthy Connections
    - Building Your Personal Boundary System

As featured on...

Testimonials
Kind Words from Amazing People

"I was contemplating dating again, after a 3 year break to focus on me. I thought at the beginning of the program that I had recovery nailed and just needed a few tips to get ready to date again. Boy was I wrong! I learned so much more.

I learned about my childhood pattern to fix others, to identify it, and when I repeated that pattern. I learned to set boundaries at work with my personal time and to stand up to others when I was treated badly. I learned to ask for what I want and need, kindly. I learned what an enmeshed relationship feels like, and how that was the only type of relationship I had, and that healthy actually felt distant to me. And I converted one of my relationships with my BFF from enmeshed to healthy."

~ Carol

I had just left my husband and moved in with my mom. I had been in Al-Anon for 12 months prior to working with Barb. I was hyper-focused on others behavior that was outside of my control that was impacting my daily walk. I was allowing other people values, opinions, behavior and attitude impact me on a deep level.

I learned what my values are so that I have a starting place with boundaries. I learned where I have power and what is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I learned what boundaries I need to keep me safe and which ones are to keep others safe from me.

~ Chris

I couldn’t operate in the world without tending to others first, whether or not they asked for or wanted my help. Being so unapologetically other-focused, my only tool for relief was to cut people off and isolate when I hit a wall. Yet having squashed my needs and feelings for so long, I could no longer find any peace in isolation either.

I gained an understanding of why, where, and how to set boundaries, and got started right away. I trusted Barb’s immense scholarship, and quickly felt all the warmth and growth that is possible for a person when a lifelong shame finally thaws. Self-compassion is real for me now, for the first time EVER. No exaggeration. Boundaries are everything, and Barb is the master.

~Jean

This is for me!

WEDNESDAYS, OCT. 23 - DEC. 11, 2024
12:00-12:45 ET/9:00-9:45 a.m. PST

Opening Retreat: Sunday, Oct. 20, 2024 2:00-5:00 p.m. ET/ 11:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m. PT

In This Program You'll Get:

Your own private Telegram channel with Barb so you can share things you're not comfortable sharing in the group
A private, safe, & loving online community of up to 12 women building their own Boundaries by Design
A three-hour online retreat to kick-start Your Empowered Life and bond with the group
Eight weekly 45-60-minute group coaching calls on Zoom
A growing multi-media curriculum of my best videos, articles & podcasts to create a Blueprint for Life
A hard copy of my Better Boundaries Workbook comprised of 12 Modules with weekly training exercises to build your own boundary blueprint
A complimentary 30-minute 1:1 coaching session with Barb during the course
A customized boundary blueprint "cheat sheet" based on you and your needs (see sample below)
BONUS: Free membership in the Guilt Free Guild twice-monthly coaching group while you're in this group

We might be a good fit as client and coach if you are...

- - - in 12-step recovery like me
    - an entrepreneur like me
    - "ripe for change" meaning you've know what's "your part" or want to know what's "your part" in the situations and relationships you've been through

Payment Options

3-Month
Payment Plan

$700

Subscribe Now

Paid-in-Full

$1900

Pay Now

If this program is for you, you can pay to sign up. If you'd like talk to Barb first, sign up for a 30-minute Better Boundaries call at this link (but hurry, there's only a few days left!)

What people are saying

I really liked that in all of the discussions we had, every session there were multiple things that someone relayed that was really profound to someone else and significantly helped them on understanding the new topics we were learning.

~ Anonymous

"I found working in a group a safer way to deal with my own stuff for two reasons: I can see other people’s pattern that I also have easier in them and it is comforting finding out I’m not alone in having that pattern. This created more compassion for myself and others."

~ L.

Working with Barb in a supportive group decreased my shame and has enabled me to show up for myself more often, to be aware of times when I don’t, and to be gentle and compassionate with myself when it happens. There’s so much more I could say… I highly recommend working with Barb!

~ Sue

[After Barb’s program] I finally was able to see my part in my resentment and the disrespect I felt...As I…realized I was allowing the behaviors, I learned to be very clear about what it is I would and would no longer allow in my life. I have CHOICES and I no longer need to cave. I can choose myself, that is not selfish, it is Self-love. It was amazing to share this with others on the same journey. I am happy to report that I am feeling more at peace than I ever have before and I will continue to ‘Do the Work.’

~ Rose

When I started working with Barb I was in a state of transition in my life. I made the decision to start living my life for me. But the prospect was daunting. It meant setting boundaries on everything from my finances to my time, after years of putting my husband and my extended family first. Barb helped me to value and respect myself and to make that my center. I intellectually knew a lot about boundaries after more than a decade in Al Anon. The difference in working with Barb was her help in applying the principles to my present life and situation, her fresh way of explaining and conceptualizing those principles. Working with her put me on firm ground to start living a life of valuing and understanding myself. I can’t thank her enough!

~ Louise

I remember that boundaries are not to keep people out but to keep me in check and figure out what I truly want. I've been much better at not doing things because people will like it. I'm doing what I like first and foremost. I'm doing better at caring for MY time. First knowing what I want is important.

The boundaries group really changed my life a lot. I understand how boundaries keep me feeling happy now since I've felt free to establish them. I also don't feel bad about stating my needs anymore (respectfully, of course!)

~ E.

Rarely Asked Questions and Secret Fears

Can you guarantee I’ll transform?

What if I don't have enough time to devote to the work?

You'll need to set aside one hour weekly for our calls, and another 60-90 minutes a week to do the other work (2-2.5 hours total per week).

The weekly Zoom calls are at the same time each week. The other work, which consists of reading articles and/or listening to podcast episodes, plus doing the weekly training exercises in the workbook, doesn't need to be done all at once. You can devote several 15-20 minute blocks of time for that. If you can't devote 2-2.5 hours per week to this work, this isn't the program for you because you won't get the results if you don't put in the time. If you miss one or two Zoom calls, you can watch the recordings. If you’ll miss more than that, this is not the right time for you to participate in this program.

What if it gets too personal?

What if others find out I’m coaching with you?

What if I can’t handle the things that come up?

I’m a seasoned boundaries coach and experienced facilitator and will not “take you” places you’re unwilling or unable to “go.” It would be counterproductive to our work together, and could also be harmful, which I won’t allow. It’s also my experience that our psyches won’t allow things to come up for us if we’re not emotionally and psychologically ready for them. You might also consider seeing a therapist if this is a concern of yours.

What if you judge me?

What if I’m afraid to look inside myself or don’t want to hear what you tell me about myself?

What if I’m afraid to change?

What if I set boundaries and people reject and abandon me?

This might happen, but in most cases it won’t. If someone doesn’t agree with or cannot handle the standards you have for your life (which is what boundaries are), they may reject or abandon you. I understand that can be painful. But it’s not as painful as pretending your someone you’re not for decades.

The reality is that you’ll attract more people who are comfortable for you to be around when you live your life according to your standards. Here’s an example using health: When you decide to raise your health standards to include regular exercise and healthy, wholesome foods, you may lose the people you used to overeat and lazed around with. If you really want to uphold your new health standards, and they’re not willing to stick around for that, that tells you something about those relationships. They may not be the kind of people you want to keep in your life.

How do I know this will be worth the investment?

This is a hard one to answer because “worth it” will always be an individual assessment. The best thing I can do is share the benefits I’ve received from building healthy boundaries and to have you https://higherpowercc.com/testimonials/ who’ve worked with me. Personally, the kinds of benefits I’ve received from having healthy boundaries is priceless - there’s no way to put a dollar amount on things like

Feeling comfortable in my own skin
No longer feeling like shitting my pants when I think of asking for help or saying no to someone
Being in a stable, healthy, happy, and loving romantic relationship for the first time in my life
Loving myself
Trusting myself
Feeling worthy
Having much more energy than ever
Giving to and supporting others by choice, not obligation; strategically and not at the drop of a hat; and after filling my cup first so I’m not continually drained of emotional and physical energy

I’m afraid of confrontation.

Setting boundaries is not about confrontation. The majority of the boundaries you’ll set will not even be spoken, you’ll just change your behavior. There are also a large proportion of your boundaries that are for you and you only, so you don’t have to speak those either. For the boundaries you need to communicate to others, I’ll provide tools, resources and methods to handle difficult conversations with confidence and ease.

However, if you’re in dangerous or unsafe situations, a confrontation may be necessary. I’ll help you build the skills and the support system to have those kinds of conversations.