Why Not Everything Is About You (and How That Sets You Free at Work)

Issue 133. September 12, 2025 ✨ Higher Power Coaching & Consulting ✨

One of the biggest paradigm shifts of my recovery—and my life—was realizing how much I lived in a victim mentality.

For years, I didn’t see it in myself. I could spot it in others instantly (and rush in to rescue them), but I was blind to how deeply it ran my own life.

Here’s what it looked like for me:

• I took almost everything personally.
• If someone criticized me at work, I made it mean something about my worth.
• If a colleague disagreed with me, I assumed they didn’t respect me.
• If a boss overlooked me for a project, I told myself they were “against me.”

That’s what victim mentality does—it convinces you that life is happening to you rather than just… happening.

The Epiphany in Traffic

The shift came for me in the most ordinary of places: my car.

I was crawling in traffic, fuming, absolutely convinced it was happening to me. Then it clicked: I just need to leave more space between cars.

That one thought opened the floodgates of understanding.

The problem wasn’t the traffic itself—it was my belief that there shouldn’t be traffic, at least not when *I* was driving. But highways were built for traffic! It was absurd to take it personally.

Once I saw that, I started noticing how often I interpreted life as a personal affront: delays, other people’s behavior, even small inconveniences. The truth was, none of it was happening to me. It was just happening.

Why This Matters at Work

Professional women, especially, are vulnerable to victim mentality at work. We’ve often been socialized to over-give, read between the lines, and carry responsibility for other people’s feelings. That makes it easy to fall into the trap of making things personal.

• A coworker leaves you off an email, and you assume it’s intentional.
• Your manager’s short tone feels like a jab when it might just be stress.
• A delayed project feels like sabotage when it’s actually just logistics.

But just like with traffic, these things aren’t happening to you. They’re just happening. And once you see that, you can respond with clarity instead of resentment.

The Freedom of Letting Go

When you stop taking everything personally:

• You free up your time and energy.
• You stop spinning stories that aren’t true.
• You communicate clearly instead of guessing at hidden meanings.
• You reclaim your power and presence at work.

It’s like finally realizing the road was made for traffic. The workplace was made for hiccups, disagreements, and deadlines. Those things are part of the terrain, not a personal indictment.

A Takeaway for You

Next time you hit “traffic” at work—a delay, a miscommunication, a colleague’s sharp tone—pause and ask yourself:

• Am I making this mean something about me that it doesn’t?
• Could this be about them (or just circumstances), not me?
• What would it look like to address this directly instead of silently stewing?

Remember: people aren’t doing things to you—they’re just doing things. The more you can hold onto that truth, the freer and more grounded you’ll feel in your workplace.