The 12 Employee Personalities: Who’s Thriving and Who’s Struggling?

Issue 93. September 27, 2024 ✨ Higher Power Coaching & Consulting ✨

Below are profiles of the different types of personalities I see in my work as a boundaries coach. I tend to work with professional women, so these are profiles of professional women. See if you can spot which one of these employees you are. Also, as you’re reading these, ask yourself, “Who would you rather work with?”

Approval-Seeking Andrea. Andrea is so focused on others and what they need that she says yes to things she really doesn’t want to do. Her yes’s are piling up, but that’s okay, she can handle it. She wants everyone to think highly of her, so she’d rather just deal with things on her own, even if it means she has to work late at night and on weekends. She usually puts other people’s work before hers because it’s important to her to be seen as a reliable and dependable team player. She’s exhausted most of the time so she drinks coffee and energy drinks all day long in an effort to refuel. She’s not really sure where she ends and others begin.

Ashamed Akasha. Akasha keeps doing things that she tells herself she’s never going to do again, like lying to people about dumb things just to make them think good things of her. She also sometimes cheats and steals little things because she doesn’t know how else to get what she wants. She’d die if anyone found out! She does all kinds of things to bend over backwards so people will do what she wants. Mostly she wants them to like her because she really doesn’t like herself.

Boundaried Bonita. Bonita is clear about what she’s willing to work on and not work on. She’s clear and kind about her limits with others and is generous with her time and energy as long as it fits into her schedule. She’s not afraid to share her opinion with others and only offers assistance to others when they ask for it. People trust her because they know she’ll tell them the truth if something is not okay with her. She leaves work on time about 90% of the time and seems to have a happy and rich life outside of work.

Chameleon Carmela. Carmela is a very agreeable person and is willing to go with the crowd. She doesn’t really have any preferences, she wants you to be happy. That’s what’s most important for her. Depending on who she’s dated, she’s been a fan of race car driving, wrestling, golf, the circus, and museums. She’d love to go to a Latin dance night but none of her lovers have ever wanted to do that so she just doesn’t go. As long as they’re happy, that’s all that matters.

Codependent Corie. Corie finds herself taking on everyone else’s problems to the point where she seems more concerned about their problems than they are! She’s definitely putting more effort into their problems than they are. She drops whatever she’s doing if someone needs her, which means she’s often late with work assignments. She’s really invested in being a “good person” and cares deeply what other people think of her. When she looks at other people’s lives, she doesn’t get why she doesn’t have what they seem to have. 

Enmeshed Emily. Emily’s family is really close. Everyone knows what everyone else is doing and makes sure to tell them when they’re out of line. They’re not great at feelings though. Whenever Emily starts to share things that are difficult for her she feels dismissed. When she wanted to try something new last summer, her entire family talked her out of it. What was she thinking? They’re right, I could never do that. The last few people she dated were nice enough, but she found herself doing most of the work in the relationship and they just weren’t as committed as she was. And they didn’t want to spend the time with her family that she likes to spend with them. She guesses that’s okay because she’s not really sure how to be close with others outside her family anyway.

Indirect Iris. Iris has a really hard time coming right out and saying exactly what she means and thinks about things. She finds it almost impossible to be honest when asked her opinion about things. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Meanwhile, she sometimes feels like her feelings are eating her up inside. She often finds herself over-explaining things. She’s non-committal when people bring up current events because she doesn’t want to make waves. She avoids conflict like the plague and often feels taken advantage of. The idea of standing up for herself is way too scary.

Over-Giving Octavia. Octavia is on four different advisory boards on top of being a mom, wife, manager, and caregiver for her elderly parents. Everyone counts on her, so what can she do? She has no choice but to say yes. She started a side hustle a few years ago, but it’s actually costing her money to run it because she keeps giving discounts to people because they need it more than she does. She’s kind of exhausted most of the time, but what is she going to do? This is the price you pay when you’re such a giving person.

Overwhelmed Ophelia. Ophelia often finds herself overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and shame. It seems like her guilt and shame are much bigger than other people’s, and they don’t seem to have those feelings as much as she does. Because of this, she says yes to everything and has way too much on her plate. Because she says yes all the time, people keep coming to her to ask for help. Sometimes they don’t even ask, they just dump things on her plate and she can’t handle confrontation so she just does it and stews with resentment. Inside, she doesn’t believe her needs are as important as others.

People-Pleasing Pamela. Pamela is overly concerned with what others think of her, so she frequently says things are okay with her when they’re really not. She’s really invested in people thinking she’s “nice,” so she goes out of her way to do things for others like bringing in home baked goods to work almost weekly. She bakes cakes for people when it’s their birthday, even if they’re not her close friends at work. She’s been taught that to be self-sacrificing is noble and being selfish is just about the worst thing ever. She’ll do just about anything to keep from “rocking the boat” and believes it’s important to “go along to get along.”

Rescuing Rita. Rita always seems to have someone “under her wing,” sometimes at work but usually at home or at church. Her heart bleeds for these people, especially because she’s been given so much. What kind of person would she be if she said no to those who are suffering? Besides, she probably knows what’s best for them better than they do. After all, she’s been able to be successful at work, has a nice home and car, and takes nice vacations. She feels bad for people who don’t have it as good as she does and feels obligated to help them out, even when it’s a strain for her.

Self-Assured Sofia. Sofia knows who she is and is grounded in herself. She’s not easily swayed by the opinions of others, though she’s willing to listen to them and people feel like she really hears them. She seems grounded in her very being and is not afraid to disagree with others on things that matter. She volunteers for two causes that really matter to her. She shares with others about how she’s learned to nurture and care for herself so she has the energy to give in a way that works for her and that she can sustain over the long haul.

Their-Fault Theresa. Theresa always seems to be surrounded by jerks. If only she could find just the right job, the right guy, the right neighborhood, and the right friends, then everything would be okay. She often talks of how badly people treat her, yet she keeps those people in her life for years on end. It seems like she’s waiting for them to change. She doesn’t seem to feel like she has any control over her life and just deals with things as they come up. She thinks, “Why bother planning? Shit always happens.” She believes that there’s someone out there for her who’s going to make everything better. In the meantime, she’d rather stick with a jerk than be alone.

In a workplace, it’s easy to fall into patterns that feel comfortable but that ultimately drain us. It’s important to recognize when we’re saying yes too often, neglecting our own needs, or relying on others to define us. Take a moment to reflect on which of these personalities resonates with you. Are you Approval-Seeking Andrea, Over-Giving Octavia, or perhaps Boundaried Bonita?

The good news is that we all have the ability to grow and change. If you identify with the types who struggle with boundaries, know that you’re not alone, and it’s never too late to create healthier ones. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress. So, who would you rather work with? And more importantly, who would you rather be? 

If you recognize yourself in these profiles and realize it’s time to change, check out “Boundaries by Design – A Blueprint for Your Life.” It’s an 8-week structured group course for women from Oct. – Dec. 2024.