How to Trust Yourself First So You Can Trust Others at Work

Issue 132. September 04, 2025 ✨ Higher Power Coaching & Consulting ✨

I had a realization recently that stopped me in my tracks: honesty requires trust.

At first, I thought about trust in others. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized this: I can only be honest when I trust myself.

When I worked at Yale, I often said yes when I wanted to say no. I agreed to take on extra work when I was already overloaded. I pretended I was fine with things I wasn’t fine with. That was dishonest — to myself and to my colleagues.

The truth is, I didn’t trust myself to protect myself. I didn’t believe I would hold a boundary if someone pushed back, so I abandoned myself instead.

Over time, I learned that self-trust is built through boundaries. It doesn’t happen overnight. Here’s how the process unfolded for me — and how it can for you, too:

How to Build Self-Trust at Work

• Start small. Pick one area where you can safely set a boundary — maybe not checking email after a certain time or saying no to that extra “optional” meeting.
• Follow through. Each time you keep that commitment to yourself, you’re proving: “I’ve got my own back.”
• Experiment. Self-trust grows as you test what works for you. You start to notice your wants, needs, and preferences. What feels okay? What doesn’t? Each experiment adds clarity.
• Communicate clearly. Once you know your limits, you can express them to others. That clarity builds honesty — both with yourself and with your team.

Every time you set and hold a boundary, you’re practicing honesty with yourself: “This is what I need. This is what’s okay for me.” And every time you follow through, you reinforce self-trust.

How Self-Trust Leads to Trust in Others

When you can trust yourself to show up for you, honesty with others becomes easier. Why? Because you’re not dependent on them to protect your boundaries — you’ve already claimed that responsibility.

That doesn’t mean you blindly trust everyone. Workplace cultures vary. Some leaders and teams are safe, supportive, and respectful. Others are not. But when you have self-trust, you can discern:

• Who is safe to be open with?
• When it’s better to keep things professional and minimal.
• When a situation calls for escalation.

Escalation simply means taking the issue to a higher or more formal level when your boundary isn’t respected. That could mean looping in your manager if a peer keeps interrupting you, involving HR if your workload limits are ignored, or reporting harassment through official channels. Escalation is not overreacting — it’s enforcing your boundaries using the structures available to you.

A Lesson I Learned About Delegation

One of the biggest ways I learned to trust myself and others at work was through delegation. For years, I had trouble asking for help, and it got reflected back to me by peers, subordinates, and supervisors alike. When I looked closer, I realized there were three reasons I avoided delegating:

1. I didn’t want to give up things I enjoyed. For example, I loved designing flyers. But I realized I was being paid to lead at a higher level, and we had an admin who was excellent at design. If I had plenty of time, fine — but if not, I needed to delegate.
2. I didn’t want to dump last-minute tasks on others. Often, my boss would give me something urgent that really belonged to someone else. Instead of passing it on, I would buffer my team from her dysfunction and take the brunt of it myself. Eventually, I realized that wasn’t my job. If they wanted to set a boundary with me and say no, that was their right. But I needed to give them the opportunity.
3. I thought no one could do it as well as I could. This belief dissolved once I started delegating. I discovered I had an amazing team of talented people, and many times they did the work better than I did.

Learning to delegate built trust in myself (to let go, to lead at the right level, to stop rescuing others from dysfunction) and trust in my team (that they were capable, skilled, and resourceful).

The Bottom Line

Honesty at work isn’t just about trusting your boss or coworkers. It starts with you. When you trust yourself — by setting boundaries, enforcing them (even through escalation), and delegating appropriately — you create the safety you need to be honest. From there, trust in others grows naturally.

And that honesty makes everything at work clearer, simpler, and healthier.