How to Go from Resentment to Freedom: Meeting Your Own Needs First

Issue 131. August 29, 2025 ✨ Higher Power Coaching & Consulting ✨

Back-to-school season can stir up all kinds of feelings. Whether you are a parent juggling schedules, a teacher preparing for a new year, or a professional adjusting to the post-summer rush, this time of year often exposes old habits: over-giving, people-pleasing, and waiting for others to notice or affirm us.

One of the most life-changing lessons I have learned in recovery is this: the world was not created to meet my needs.

When I first heard that, I was baffled. I wrote it on a sticky note and kept it on my coffee table for a year. Over time, it finally sank in: if I am not getting what I need from the world, that is on me.

The Rescue Fantasy

Before recovery, I thought my job was to rescue and fix everyone else. But deep down, I was really wishing someone would come and rescue me (that was a harsh realization).

I kept reaching outside myself through people pleasing, rescuing, and overextending, hoping for love, connection, and validation. But instead of receiving those things, I often pushed them away. I went to the world with grasping hands and an empty tank.

The truth is, I was expecting others to give me what I was unwilling to give myself: love, care, nurture, and compassion.

Meeting My Own Needs

Recovery has taught me to turn inward. Today, I:

• Talk kindly to myself
• Take care of my physical body
• Keep my boundaries clean and clear
• Stay connected to my higher power

In short, I have learned to fill my own cup.

That does not mean I do not want love and support from others. Of course I do. But now, when someone shows me care, it is a bonus, not a requirement.

The Fabulous Blouse Story

One day, I put on one of my favorite blouses. My sweetheart, who is usually very complimentary, did not say a word about it.

In the past, I would have stewed in resentment, silently punishing him for not meeting my unspoken desire for affirmation.

But this time, I recognized my expectation. I let it go, walked upstairs, looked in the mirror, and said to myself: “You look really nice today, Barb.”

By letting go of my expectation of him and meeting my own need, I set myself free.

Back to School Connection

This lesson is especially powerful at the start of a school year. It is so easy to slip into old patterns:

• Expecting teachers, bosses, or partners to notice how much you are doing
• Hoping your kids or coworkers will express gratitude
• Waiting for someone else to say “you are enough”

But here is the truth: you do not need to wait for anyone else.

When you let go of your expectations of others and meet your own needs, you create an inner abundance that makes everything easier. You are more likely to say no to extra commitments, take time for yourself, and stay grounded in the chaos of new routines.

A Journaling Practice

One of the ways I keep this lesson alive is by writing the phrase “Let go of your expectations of others, meet your own needs” on the top of a page in my journal a few pages in the future.. When I get to that page, I ask myself:

Was there a situation today where I expected someone else to meet my need? How could I meet it myself instead?

This simple practice has shifted me from drained and resentful to empowered and full. In the beginning, the answer was almost always yes. Now, it’s rare because I trained myself to meet many of my own needs. And I trained myself to actually voice my needs to others.

Final Word

As you head into the busy back-to-school season, remember this: the world was not created to meet your needs. But you have the power to meet them yourself.

Fill your own cup, love yourself well, and watch how much lighter this season feels.

✨ P.S. If this resonates with you, my on-demand course Shameless Boundaries: Say Yes to You, No to Others will help you practice exactly this — letting go of over-giving and learning to meet your own needs first.r.